Posted in Life, Marriage / Relationships, Self love

Stages of betrayal in a relationship/marriage…

This post is going to be a bit deeper than my other’s. I am not an expert but I wanted to come & share a bit of what I think the stages and feelings of betrayal are speaking from experience. I won’t go into it in too much detail out of respect for my son’s & I do agree we need to share our stories but also tread lightly as you don’t want to bash the other person even if they caused the harm or did the damage. When you share children and are still legally married and had a life together at some point it can be a bit touchy. It has taken me some time to go through all the stages, I am doing so much better thank God, he deserves the credit + all the self care/love that I’ve done. Don’t get discouraged if this has happened to you recently… healing is NOT an overnight process, and I am still doing the work. If it’s possible for me to help someone else that is going through or will go through betrayal I would hope this post is helpful & beneficial. 🤍 Remember your never alone and there are so many outlets that you can use.

  1. SHOCK – This is one is the first feelings/ emotions… some of us are taken completely by surprise. Other’s may have had a gut feeling something was off but you still didn’t have the proof. Deep down your hoping it isn’t true, but what I can say is from experience trust your gut. If something doesn’t feel right then most likely it isn’t (unfortunately) but look into it or talk to your partner depending on your relationship you will know how to bring it up. Always remember the truth always comes out… like that one quote says “What’s done in the darkness always comes to light”. Your even more so in shock when you have given your heart, trust and loyalty to someone & your thinking what is going on & what happened?
  2. ANGER– This comes shortly after if not along with shock. One thing about anger is it can really keep you stuck & it can make you bitter. I would say make sure your handling this part with caution & with wisdom. It can make you feel like your going crazy but your not! Trust me it is completely normal to feel very angry. Anger is a healthy normal emotion, but just don’t let it get the best of you or get in the way of you living your life & your healing process.
  3. HURT– So the pain that comes with betrayal is so agonizing & to be honest its hard to explain. I think its one of those pain’s that can only be understood once you go through it, I definitely wouldn’t wish this on anyone. It can really knock you down if you let it. Remember to let those emotions out in a healthy way, if you need to cry, do it. For me it’s strange because I am an emotional person, but I don’t like to let people see me cry. I think my kids have seen me cry probably less than 5 times and they are 16 and 9.. crazy right!? Recently a good friend of mine said you need to let it out and cry it out sometimes, but just keep moving forward. I really appreciated that advice because sometimes we think crying=weakness but it’s the opposite actually. In the bible it says Jesus wept.. so what does that tell you? Even the most high “wept” so you can too.
  4. EMBARRASSED/SHAME– This emotion can also be very difficult to endure since you start feeling ashamed or even insecure. What are people going to think? Was it me? What I want to put out there is it’s never your fault when someone betrays you! In my opinion you cannot control someone else’s action’s or behaviors, I believe it has to do 100% with someone’s character & morals. If you have given 100% + more to someone & just because you argue or don’t see eye to eye (as all couples do… no relationship is perfect and no two people are perfect) that doesn’t ever make it ok to betray them. Remind yourself of all your qualities write them down & read them out loud & remember who you are. ✨

A normal healthy minded person will not understand the concept of hurting someone they love no matter what they get out of it, remember LOVE is a moral act. It is very hard to hear this, but cheating is never an accident it is a choice. As humans we can be selfish of course, YES mistakes can happen… but a pattern & a mistake are two different things in my opinion, so make sure you aware of that. Some people are really truly sorry & want to do right and actually put in the work to make the appropriate changes to show you they won’t repeat the cycle. Not just for a little bit to get you back, but real long term growth. Actions speak louder than words period. Other times they are just sorry they got caught & they come back due to ego. They don’t want you to find better or move forward because they know you can & eventually will…especially if you have been honest, faithful & loving to that person. Who would want to lose someone like that, right?

I know so many women who say I will never forgive or go back to someone who cheated, but you really don’t know how it will play out unless it has happened to you. To be honest I really think it has to do with the person (who he/she is deep down inside) who cheated and your relationship as a whole to see if you can forgive and move forward, especially if you are married. I’ve seen certain marriages come back from infidelity, but there has to be a lot of work put into the marriage. I never say just leave a marriage, but God wouldn’t want you to be hurt by someone over and over & in a toxic situation. That is why God wants us all to be healthy and whole before we find someone to share our lives with so that we are in healthy loving marriage’s.

Don’t ever think if you leave someone its the end , its just the beginning! Not everyone is the same, their are good people out there. Focus on yourself, heal, grow and last but not least GLOW! God has your back & when the time is right and your ready & healed before you know it someone special who see’s the amazing woman or man, lol you are will be right in front of you. 🤗👑

Thanks for reading & visiting my blog 🤍 Comment below what helped you get through a betrayal if you have gone through it.

Also I wanted to share this devotional/book I bought & it has helped me a lot ;